Don't travel next to me!

If you think you are unlucky when you travel, that is because you have not met me. I am one of the unluckiest people on earth when it comes to traveling. As much as I plan and try to look ahead there is always something that goes wrong. In a way, it is almost like I inherited this bad luck from my dad. This is why every time we travel, there is always a Guti-aventura. (If you don't speak Spanish you won't get it). I'd like to share with you my epic return from New York back to Mexico City because it is worth putting on paper. It will make people pity me, it will make others laugh, but most importantly, it will let me vent a little. So here goes.

After having some trouble with some paperwork in the US, I had to come back home without Naomi. This is awful for several reasons. I had to leave my car in a garage in the Bronx. Our stuff is stowed away in a storage unit by Jamaica Bay, and worst of all, Naomi is homeless in New York. About three days ago, I bought I one way ticket to Mexico City, stopping in Houston through Continental Airlines. It departed from La Guardia at 10:45 am. I have been living in a hostal for the past few days, and Naomi has been staying with a friend of hers in the Bronx. It has been uncomfortable to say the least. Because it was our last night together for about a month, and because I wanted to make sure I got to the airport on time, I decided to book ourselves a hotel room in Queens Boulevard. I don't know if you know New York, but suffice it to say that I paid 112 dollars for a room that would have been less than forty anywhere else in the country. The hotel was ok though. It was sufficiently clean and that is good enough at this point. Naomi slept, but I kept waking up. I have a really hard time going to sleep when I have a flight or something important the next day. The anxiety of oversleeping is so much that I can usually just sleep for two, maybe three hours. I woke up at seven, got up and took a shower. I finished packing and put the luggage in the car. We drove to La Guardia. Checked in within ten minutes of arrival and left for the Bronx. I don't like to brag, but I am a very good navigator. Only a couple of months and I know the city like a local. I had to leave my car in a filthy garage in the Bronx that charges--get this--$160 dollars a month! To keep my car! Isn't that amazing? Naomi went her way in the Bronx, and so did I. I took the subway from 149st into 125th in Harlem and then the M60 to La Guardia. (See? I even talk like a no good yank). I got to La Guardia and that is where the pain started. First off, they changed the gate. No biggie, really, but I kinda had to walk a little. Then the plane was delayed. Not too much though. The thing is that Air Force One was landing in La Guardia and Obama travels with two F-15's.

[By the way, Air Force One is any aircraft carrying the president. It can be a Boeing 777 or a Cezna. As long as the president of the US is in it, it is called Air Force One. Now I bet you didn't know that.]

We had to wait on the runway while Mr Obama landed at La Guardia. I think he was back for the whole UN thing, even though it is Saturday and the whole thing doesn't make sense. Well, that is what the captain said anyway. After take off, we had a VERY bumpy ride into Houston. The weather between Washington and Houston was just terrible. Houston was ok. The airport is not bad. It is not great, but it is not bad either. I had chinese food--which is completely irrelevant to the story, but what the heck.

After patiently waiting for almost three hours, the man at the gate asked all the passengers to verify passport before they started boarding. I really don't want to get into it, but let's just say that Homeland Security didn't like my being there and took me apart for questioning. They were suspicious because I had come into the US with a vehicle, and somehow, I was returning home without it.

The flight towards Mexico was ok. The flight was not bad, but the woman sitting next to me had BO. I left the aircraft and went to baggage claim to get my bags. As I was going through customs, the lady had me run the bags through X-rays. Because we have a lot of stuff to bring to Mexico, I had decided to load my luggage with Naomi's clothes. With me, I had 6 or 7 handbags. Oh boy! So here I was trying to explain to the lady that the handbags belong to my fiancee and that they are used. They did a thorough search before they let me go.

So here I am, sitting at home. I can't wait to go to bed. My eyes are shutting and I need to sleep. Next time you are on vacation; stay away from me.

New York's Newest Urban Fashion Trends

Maybe I am completely out of touch with today's urban fashion. Perhaps I am just "too white". But I can't help turning up my nose at the fashion statements that some people do in this agitated New York City. Fortunately for all of us, I have only seen it here, and it is so ridiculous that we might never see it spread anywhere in the country or the world. On the other hand, New York is famous for spreading its ways, whether we like it or not. Example, we all know that the whole "t-shirt" on top of long sleeved shirt became famous thanks to New York and its people. Lucky for me, I never caved to this horrible nightmare. Some close friends, on the other hand, still think it is fashionable. The newest trends, especially within the black people and the hispanics in the outer boroughs of New York, is to:

1 Leaving the information sticker on your baseball hat.

Mostly on New York Yankees baseball hats. This is mostly a latino-slash-black thing, but I've even seen Asians doing it, which makes the nightmare even more profoundly horrifying. Not because I don't like Asians, but because Asians look awful when they try to imitate blacks or hispanics. They probably look even worse than caucasians. So the new thing is to buy a baseball hat, to leave the visor as flat as possible, and to leave to information sticker in plain view. I don't know why this is supposedly cool. Maybe they want people to know that they can afford a new hat? Maybe they want to show what their head size is? It is beyond me. I have even seen some cases where the sticker was obviously peeled off, and then reattached. The poor little thing barely hanging with the second hand glue that is used anyway.

2 Wearing low, very low pants.

Yes, we know you are proud of your boxer shorts. We all know that if you do this, you probably don't have a girlfriend, and the only one that sees your dirty undies is your momma when she does your laundry. But lets face it, this is not only horrible, it is also extremely inconvenient. I've had the misfortune of buying pants that are two big for my waist. It is extremely uncomfortable to walk, and have the feeling that your pants are falling off of you. To some people, this is exactly what they want. Some are a little more conservative, they only allow about 60% of their undies to show. Others, are a little more outgoing and show all their underwear and even some leg. In school, bullies used to pull your pants down to torment you. Now, people do it to themselves. But let alone the fact that you look like a total dork in need of professional mental help, isn't it completely complicated to walk like that. Not only do you walk like a retarded penguin, but if you hit a rock or someone shoves you, there is a high chance that you will end up on the floor, face down, and (really now) looking like an idiot.

These two new trends really bug me. I think people look completely stupid, and I think I have the right to NOT see some guy's undergarments. Am I right? I just hope for the sake of everyone who doesnot live in New York, that these memes don't spread. And they were afraid of swine flu?